Luna Beads & the Orgasm of My Life
OH THE PLACES A PAIR OF LUNA BEADS CAN TAKE YOU.
I’ve taken a break from the Red Flags of Dating Over Forty (see Red Flag #1, #2, #3) series to talk about another matter: my vagina.
Most women don’t worry about their vagina until after giving birth. I, however, have worried about my beaver ever since a guy I dated in my twenties told me it felt “kinda loose.” I told him the problem was his too-small dick, but still, I couldn’t shake the comment. Oh sure, I’d tried doing Kegels over the years–those exercises where you squeeze and release your vaginal muscles to tighten them. But I’d quickly get distracted, lose count, and start eating.
Fast forward to recently when I started really obsessing about the “beave” going soft on me. That got me thinking about Ben Wa balls, which eventually led to Luna Beads by LELO. I’ll get back to the Luna Beads in a minute. First a bit about Ben Wa balls.
I’m walking through San Francisco’s Chinatown when a couple of shiny chrome balls nestled in a red silk-lined box catch my eye.
“What are those?” I ask the sleepy clerk as I pick up the oversized marbles, enjoying their cool, shiny smoothness.
“Ben Waaaa balls,” she hollers like a wailing infant.
“Ben What?” I ask sharply, my head snapping around to give her a raised eyebrow.
“Make sex better.” She yawns and walks away.
Call me slow but I could not fathom how a pair of balls could do anything except contribute to a juggling act. So I looked up Ben Wa balls on Wikipedia when I got home as I clearly needed some educating.
Also known as Burmese bells or Geisha balls, Ben Wa balls go back eons. They were originally placed in the vagina to enhance intercourse (some prefer the anus—just reporting facts). They’ve also been used to increase the strength of the pelvic floor, in much the way Kegel exercises do, increasing vaginal elasticity and bladder control.
Because I could imagine getting the Ben Wa balls in but not out, I kept on with my research. Eventually I found Luna Beads, designed by the Swedish sex toy company, LELO. The Luna Beads are securely housed in a girdle, which is attached to a very strong string, so you can easily pull them out. That’s appealing.
TWO PAIRS OF LUNA BEADS ENCLOSED IN GIRDLE WITH ATTACHED STRING.
I contacted LELO and requested a pair in exchange for a write-up without a promise of any editorial control on their part. They agreed and sent me the Luna Bead “kit,” which includes one light pair (2 x 28 grams) and another heavier pair (2 x 37 grams).
Here’s what happened.
I inserted the lighter balls and the beaver swallowed them whole. I panicked thinking they’d migrated somewhere they weren’t supposed to be (though that’s not anatomically possible as the vagina is “land locked”). I pulled them out, inserted the heavier balls, and went grocery shopping. As I stood in the produce aisle squeezing a largish cucumber for firmness, I could feel my vaginal muscles holding tight to stop from giving birth to a pair of bouncing beads. It was a good feeling–at least one part of me was defying gravity.
Since that day several months ago, I’ve been using the Luna beads for about half an hour every other day. Sometimes I’ll find myself “clenching” around them, sort of like doing a Luna Kegel. Most of the time though, I forget they’re in there, which I’m guessing is an indicator of how taut things are getting down there. But if you want to know the real benefit of doing your Luna Kegels, you’ve got to have an orgasm. I’m talking intense, like, wow, where’d-that-come-from intense. Of course, I did research on that too and discovered there’s a real connection between stronger vaginal muscles and stronger orgasms.
Looks like I’m going to be doing my Luna Kegels for a long, long time.
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Comments
Yeah, I’d caution folks from sticking balls up their butt (heh), as that is definitely not a cul-de-sac and things can get lost in there. I don’t think there’s a one among us who wants to find our rectal x-ray showing up on Failblog.
As I age and watch too much TV, I fear the loss of bladder control we ladies are told is inevitable. And I’m with you on the whole losing count and giving up thing with the Kegels. One day the light bulb above my head shines brightly as I think, “I’ll just do Kegels at every red stoplight!” The next day, “I’ll just do them while I’m brushing my teeth.” Naturally, I never remember my plan from one day to the next. But I do own two sets of Ben Wah balls, so … if I can remember all this tomorrow … this could be the start of something tight! 
Fabulous content aside, this is the best post you’ve ever written, although it may take me awhile to recover from the bit about your loose lips!
Hey Emma, Nice to see your name pop up here — been a while. While it’s not the most attractive thought (my vagina), consider that them lips ain’t loose anymore…
I am under 30 and have had 4 kids. I worry everyday about losing bladder control and loosening pelvic muscles…it makes me sad when I work out and have to stop every time I do anything with jumping to go to the bathroom. I would love a pair of these Luna Beads…how can I get a free pair 
I bought these months ago – have 3 different Lelo vibes that I adore. I don’t think I got them up high enough – it was like wearing a tampon when it’s dropped and it was uncomfortable. Any tricks to getting them up high enough?
Yeah: I got one word for you, “squeeze.” They only work if you’re squeezing. They’re dropping because you need “toning.” Use them for a while plus the squeezing and I’m sure you’ll be seeing a difference.
The Luna balls sound secure and VERY beneficial. Thanks for writing up about them. I will have to check those out.