How to Have Great Sex
Luna Beads & the Orgasm of My Life
OH THE PLACES A PAIR OF LUNA BEADS CAN TAKE YOU.
I’ve taken a break from the Red Flags of Dating Over Forty (see Red Flag #1, #2, #3) series to talk about another matter: my vagina.
Most women don’t worry about their vagina until after giving birth. I, however, have worried about my beaver ever since a guy I dated in my twenties told me it felt “kinda loose.” I told him the problem was his too-small dick, but still, I couldn’t shake the comment. Oh sure, I’d tried doing Kegels over the years–those exercises where you squeeze and release your vaginal muscles to tighten them. But I’d quickly get distracted, lose count, and start eating.
Fast forward to recently when I started really obsessing about the “beave” going soft on me. That got me thinking about Ben Wa balls, which eventually led to Luna Beads by LELO. I’ll get back to the Luna Beads in a minute. First a bit about Ben Wa balls.
I’m walking through San Francisco’s Chinatown when a couple of shiny chrome balls nestled in a red silk-lined box catch my eye.
“What are those?” I ask the sleepy clerk as I pick up the oversized marbles, enjoying their cool, shiny smoothness.
“Ben Waaaa balls,” she hollers like a wailing infant.
“Ben What?” I ask sharply, my head snapping around to give her a raised eyebrow.
“Make sex better.” She yawns and walks away.
Call me slow but I could not fathom how a pair of balls could do anything except contribute to a juggling act. So I looked up Ben Wa balls on Wikipedia when I got home as I clearly needed some educating.
Also known as Burmese bells or Geisha balls, Ben Wa balls go back eons. They were originally placed in the vagina to enhance intercourse (some prefer the anus—just reporting facts). They’ve also been used to increase the strength of the pelvic floor, in much the way Kegel exercises do, increasing vaginal elasticity and bladder control.
Because I could imagine getting the Ben Wa balls in but not out, I kept on with my research. Eventually I found Luna Beads, designed by the Swedish sex toy company, LELO. The Luna Beads are securely housed in a girdle, which is attached to a very strong string, so you can easily pull them out. That’s appealing.
TWO PAIRS OF LUNA BEADS ENCLOSED IN GIRDLE WITH ATTACHED STRING.
I contacted LELO and requested a pair in exchange for a write-up without a promise of any editorial control on their part. They agreed and sent me the Luna Bead “kit,” which includes one light pair (2 x 28 grams) and another heavier pair (2 x 37 grams).
Here’s what happened.
I inserted the lighter balls and the beaver swallowed them whole. I panicked thinking they’d migrated somewhere they weren’t supposed to be (though that’s not anatomically possible as the vagina is “land locked”). I pulled them out, inserted the heavier balls, and went grocery shopping. As I stood in the produce aisle squeezing a largish cucumber for firmness, I could feel my vaginal muscles holding tight to stop from giving birth to a pair of bouncing beads. It was a good feeling–at least one part of me was defying gravity.
Since that day several months ago, I’ve been using the Luna beads for about half an hour every other day. Sometimes I’ll find myself “clenching” around them, sort of like doing a Luna Kegel. Most of the time though, I forget they’re in there, which I’m guessing is an indicator of how taut things are getting down there. But if you want to know the real benefit of doing your Luna Kegels, you’ve got to have an orgasm. I’m talking intense, like, wow, where’d-that-come-from intense. Of course, I did research on that too and discovered there’s a real connection between stronger vaginal muscles and stronger orgasms.
Looks like I’m going to be doing my Luna Kegels for a long, long time.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...Would you Hire a “Prostidude?”
If there's one thing we gals like, it's choice: a selection from the cowboys4angles.com catalog.
Regular readers to my blog may be familiar with posts I’ve done covering male escorts. Okay, I admit, at first I thought it was funny. But now I’m like, hey, this could be the wave of the future.
And just maybe it’s about time. Have you noticed the new flurry of diagnostic acronyms flying around these days? Things like FSD (Female Sexual Dysfunction), SAD (Sexual Arousal Disorder), SDD (Sexual Desire Disorder), and ISD (Inhibited Sexual Desire)? It all amounts to a big load of female frustration: We’re just not getting off enough.
Of course, you all know what’s coming next: it’s got to be his fault! Even Nevada seems to agree and they’re addressing the issue with a new category of professionals: the “prostidude.” Recently, the state licensed the first male prostitute, 25-year-old “Markus.” He officially started work last week at the Shady Lady Ranch 150 miles northwest of Las Vegas. By the end of the week, though, he still didn’t have his first customer.
I asked Garren, one of my sources in the male escort world what he thought about all this new competition. Garren is an escort himself and runs a male escort service at cowboys4angle.com. His comment: “Instead of traveling to a ranch to see a male escort women can use my service and have a guy come to them instead.”
Okay, so Garren’s into door-to-door service. Though male escorts are technically not licensed to please (sexually speaking), he says he gets calls for “hotel visits” from both couples and individual women (though half the calls he receives are from women needing a companion for an event).
I’m guessing they’re not sharing high tea on those “hotel visits” so maybe you don’t really need a license—you just need to pretend. Small price to pay for pleasure on your terms. If I had the money I’d give a prostidude or male escort a whirl without a second thought. I mean let’s face it, I love my girlfriends and all, but the day-at-the-spa thing gets predictable, and no matter how many speeds it has, a vibrator is no substitute for the real thing.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...How to Turn a Guy into a Sex Toy
Meet the Mighty Bo. The Mighty Fun Vibrator for Him.
Oh my. How we gals do go on about our vibrators and other sex toys.
Yeah right. I think I’ve had two friends in my almost five decades of life mention their vibrators to me, in an embarrassed, under-their-breath kind of way. Just two.
Even less talked about are sex toys for guys. I hate to admit it but it never occurred to me that a heterosexual guy would want to use a sex toy, let alone know how to use one.
Recently though LELO, the luxury sex toy company out of Sweden, set the record straight for me. They sent me a “BO” to try.
I opened the elegant box it arrived in, noting to myself to keep the matte black box for the collection. (I collect empty boxes. I have no idea why.) Then I pulled out the BO, a small donut-shaped pliable ring with a tiny motor that slips into the ring, activating the vibration.
I held the buzzing BO in the palm of hand as though it were some curious little creature I’d found under my bed and called my new boyfriend, Thorben Klaven III. I explained the situation. With a rising voice, he insisted–no let me rephrase that, begged me–to meet for a trial run.
[Dear reader: due to onerous and often surprising censorship rules that tax our world, along with my distaste for being on the wrong side of ferocious finger-waggers, the so called, “trial run,” has been edited down to well, err, nothing. I leave you instead with the aftermath.]
“TK?” I whispered to his chest hairs. I was resting in the crook of his arm, poking him in the ribs to rouse him.
“Now, now, sweetness” he said patting my head with his big mitt, “You know I prefer, Thorben.”
“Yes of course, darlinginko,” I said patiently. “What did you think, Thor-bo-bo?” I snickered quietly.
He rolled over and snuggled closer, indulging me like a toddler who just never learns. “It was Bo-delicious,” he said. “I felt bionic, like some cyborg sex toy. I could have climbed a skyscraper. You?”
“I’ve never experienced anything like it,” I said with genuine amazement. “Everything was vibrating. You were like a giant human sex toy. Incredible.”
“Better than Dunkin’ BoNuts, huh?” he said laughing.
“Seriously Bo Vibrations,” I quipped back.
“Bo and Quiver,” he retorted.
“BoFinger,” I snapped.
“Bo that rocks,” he crackled.
“Bo Derek,” I popped.
[Dear Reader: This went on for another fifteen minutes. I'll spare you and pick up the story here:]
“Thorben?” I said sitting up in bed and reaching for the notebook I always kept on my nightstand. “How would you describe the quality of your orgasm?” My pen immediately moved into my mouth for that serene, contemplative look.
Thorben looked at me lovingly. “You’re so cute when you do that journalist thing,” he said sweetly.
I gave him an affectionate nudge, pressing him for an answer.
He thought about it for a moment. “I would say the orgasm was multifaceted. I had to negotiate the pressure from the tight ring that kept things, err, backed up and full, if you know what I mean, with the intensity of the buzzing sensation. It was curious but exciting.”
I scribbled furiously. “Anything else?” I nodded encouragingly.
“Why, yes, there is,” he said mysteriously. “If I press it against the mattresses it makes a loud funny sound.” He activated the Bo again to demonstrate—a giant Nordic-type of a man bouncing and buzzing on my bed.
“You’re so silly!” I said trying to restore a certain journalistic gravitas. “Would you mind rating the experience on a scale of one to 10?”
“Oh, that’s hardly scientific,” he said. “To each his own.”
I gave him my best crestfallen look. “That’s your answer?”
He squeezed me affectionately. “Nope,” he said. “Here’s my answer: It’s for any woman who wants to experience a live, super-sized sex toy and any guy who’s wondered what it’s like to be one.” He looked at me with a big grin.
“Oh, Thorben,” I said throwing my notebook aside with a devil-may-care air. “Let’s recharge our little friend.”
“Just what I was thinking dearest,” he said dashing butt naked to the nearest electrical outlet.
(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...Buzz in the New Year with Style: Best Vibrator Review
Don’t settle for just any sex toy. I review the best vibrators so you can buzz in the New Year with style and make new friends too!
Friends Come In Many Forms.
It’s not too often you meet three new girlfriends with whom you instantly click and know you’ll be friends for life. Amazingly, that’s what happened for me over the holidays. Oh sure, they’re not quite what you’d expect. Okay, I’ll put it out there—they’re vibrators. What’s the big deal? At least they’re not just any vibrators. They’re from LELO, the Swedish company that is to sex toys what Apple is to computers. Through modern design and some seriously elegant engineering, LELO has managed to elevate the embarrassingly ugly sex toy (see Exhibit A) into the “pleasure object,” an icon of “simplicity, sensuality, and sophistication.” (see pictures of my friends, Ina, Mona, and Lily).
[Note to reader: the following is a rare look into the secret sex life of sex toys. For mature audiences only. For a tamer peek into sex toys, please try this though it's not nearly as entertaining...]
Exhibit A: "hummingbird" sex toy I was afraid to use...it's the purple thing, not the drill!
I looked up from the white glossy LELO booklet from which I was reading aloud. “Is that really true, Lily?” I asked my tiny new friend.
Lily peeked her head over the edge of her black silk cloak. “Why, yes, it is, especially for me,” she said with authority. “As for Mona and Ina over there,” she nodded towards them, “Well, they can be real dicks. Especially that Ina, who, with all due respect, is a dick and then some.”
“Geesh,” I said surprised by her strong feelings. Maybe professional jealously, I thought to myself, as I reached for Ina and examined her sleek, elongated hour glass figure. Okay, yes, she’s a little phallic looking but she can’t help that. I fiddled with the chubby green thumb-like projection sprouting from her tapered waist; it turned Ina into a modern, hipper version of the old Rabbit vibrator. “Lily,” I said flicking it, “is this thumby thing you mean?”
“Precisely,” said Lily rocking back and forth in agreement. “That thumby thing, as you put it, has simply gone to her head. If I have listen to her go on again about how she’ll be a thousand times more famous than the Rabbit, well, I think I’ll just explode.” Lily went to cross her arms and then remembered she didn’t have any.
Mona suddenly erupted with a lusty, throaty bellow of a laugh that sounded like it came from the depths of her rechargeable battery. “You know,” she said with a voice sounding remarkably like Mae West, “sometimes a good dick is all a girl really needs, and a little thumby thing ain’t gonna hurt either.”
“I couldn’t agree more, Mona!” I said relieved to be changing the topic. “And bye the way,” I said with admiration, “who styles you? That purple outfit is a—door—a—bull!” Mona blinked coquettishly, which is when I noticed something else. Other than color, the only difference between Mona and Ina was the thumby thing on Ina.
“Hey, are you guys twins or something?” I asked, my finger waving back and forth between them.
“Fraternal,” said Ina speaking up at last. “And since I’ve finally got the floor,” she continued with gravitas, “I’d like to clear something up. We’re actually a very tight team. You need to know that. Okay, so I got this competitive thing with the Rabbit and it gets on Lily’s nerves. Big deal. Lily’s still the best. She’s a good egg and I love her.”
“And she travels well,” piped up Mona.
I picked up little pink Lily and stroked her. She was so soft to the touch, and yet so hard—a perfect package of ‘tough love.’
“Aw, heck,” Lily said, looking from Ina to Mona and then up at me. “Just giving customers what they want, right where they want it.”
“Amen, sister,” said Mona.
Ina crossed her thumby thing (sort of) and nodded approvingly. I sat back and surveyed my new friends. Gawd, they were a sexy looking bunch. Toned, colorful, and focused. You don’t get that too often in girlfriends. That’s when it dawned on me, I’d never thought about my girlfriends in quite this way before.
“Hey girls, I don’t mean to be getting all weird on you or anything, but,” I stumbled on my words and felt my face redden. “I, err, ah, hmmm, wonder what you think about group sex. Be frank with me now.”
“We thought you’d never ask!” they buzzed in unison. And with that the girls jumped out of their matte black boxes and between my leopard print sheets.
Five Minutes Later…
I stretched languidly on my bed, wrapped in the dome of a pleasure-sated moment. Everything had happened so quickly. One minute there was this barely audible symphony of buzzing—no, it was more like a faint purring (ant sex is louder)—followed my some moaning (mine), a few oh my gods (also mine), some eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-the-head (mine too), high-pitched gaspy breathing (like I was about to die or something), and finally an explosion of a million little firecrackers in my groin and beyond. I raised my head half off the pillow and looked around for the girls who were strewn wildly around the bed.
“Wow, everything is tingling,” I said with a boozy drawl. Ina gave me a high thumby, while Mona and Lily stared at the ceiling, stupid little grins on their face. “I had no idea girlfriends could be so much fun,” I said trying to uncurl my toes. “You guys are amazing—and you have a speed for every need. Whaddya say we make this a regular thing?” I tried nudging them in the ribs but it’s tricky when your friends are three and seven inches high, respectively. “Nappy time?” I asked yawning.
“Actually,” said Mona all-breathy, “We were thinking more along the lines of drinky-poos, right, girls?”
“Right you are, Mona,” said Lily.
I sat up in a cross-legged position. “I can do drinks, no problem. Cosmos okay?” A hush dropped over the girls like a heavy black blanket. My hand flew to my mouth. “What did I say?” I asked, horrified at the possibility that I might have offended the sweetest little friends a girl ever could have.
Lily bounced over and almost jumped down my ear. “Cosmos…Sex and the City…The Rabbit…you follow?” Her eyes darted in the direction of Ina who looked about to burst into tears. Oh my goodness! I had inadvertently brought up the antiquated Rabbit. How could I be so insensitive? I clapped my hands trying to change the mood.
“Hey!” I said brightly. “I’ve great idea. Let’s do shots of Aqua Vit! The drink of Sweden! A tribute to LELO, who made our love possible!”
LELO.com...the source of some good loving
“Now you’re talking,” said Mona hopping up and down.
I reached out and held them tightly. “We all good then?” I asked tentatively. Ina, Lily, and Mona purred in happy agreement. “I love you guys,” I said, a tear sliding down my cheek. “My sex life was so empty before. So hit and mostly miss, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” said Ina sympathetically. “We hear that all the time.”
I got up off the bed and put my clothes back on. As I headed for the kitchen, I suddenly stopped myself at the bedroom door. Another weird, unsettling thought had just hit my brain.
“Hey, guys,” I said turning around. “I gotta ask. I’ve just slept with three girls. Does this make me, well, er, a lesbian?”
Well if vibrators could scream with laughter, they would have. “Are you nuts?” said Mona almost shouting. “It just makes you bisexual!” More hilarious buzzing ensued.
“Oh, phew,” I said wiping my anxious brow. “I mean, what would I have told my boyfriend—Hi honey, I won’t be home for dinner. I’ve left you for three girls…who are also vibrators?”
“Yeah, exactly,” said Lily snickering like a smarty pants. “Ridiculous!”
I shooed them into the shower and went to get our drinks. As I poured shots of Aqua Vit, I couldn’t help but remember something I read recently: 31,406,497 Americans live alone according to the 2008 American Community Survey from the US Census. And then I thought, why, oh why, when there are friends like Ina, Lily, and Mona in the world?
I downed a shot. Here’s to making 2010 the best year ever! May you always get your buzz on and make new friends while you’re at it!
PS: LELO Discount to SeasonedSex readers: Get 20% off your LELO purchase until Jan 5, 2010! Just enter the code: u2M4eZ at LELO.com.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...
